So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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