Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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