yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
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I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
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This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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