There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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