everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
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I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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