She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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