I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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