well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize