so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
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turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
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He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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