she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
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i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
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