I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize