I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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