Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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