Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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