so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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