Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
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Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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