Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize