he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
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we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
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My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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