1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize