My hand turned me down
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
farters have to be the big spoon...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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