I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize