I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize