i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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