Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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