The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
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Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
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I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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