and you said cock pushups were impossible
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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