Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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