come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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