you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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