I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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