You smell like a Billy Joel song
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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