He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She bit a glass in half.
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How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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