You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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