Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
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It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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