I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize