his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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