my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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