I just pynch a tree in the face
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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