I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
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Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
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Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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