just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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