So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize