I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
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I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
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Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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