I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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