You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
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during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
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You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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