and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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