man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
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You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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