You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Two words: blizzard sex
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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