Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
this is an emotional support booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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