just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
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he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
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He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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