I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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